The Awakening - a short story of conscious awakening by Ultimate Stress Blog Columnist Don Lubov

So this is the way it ends—lying by the side of an old logging road, waiting to die. What a waste! To go from a life of unbridled hedonism…rather appropriate for a single guy... to getting a wake-up call to what life is really all about, just in time to have to cozy up to death.

Camping here in the Gila has been a real eye-opener… 3.3 million acres of rugged terrain—Geronimo country. I love the awesome cliff dwellings from six-hundred years ago and the beautiful sunrises and sunsets. I don’t know how these people survived out here way back when. Each day is a struggle to stay alive.

I’ve never been so physically exhausted and yet, so spiritually alive. Four thousand miles of hot, dusty, backpacking—a seven-day, outdoor rock festival in the woods, an invitation to a lynching, a close encounter with Mexican drug dealers, months of triple-digit heat by day and freezing at night and a life-changing awakening from God.

It certainly hasn’t been boring. But, now I know, down to my bones, that I’m part of something greater than myself. What am I to do with this magnificent new mindset? What good can come from this knowledge if I can’t get out of this place? I’m probably going to die…this day, this hour, right here, right now.

Within a few days there won’t even be any remains. What the bears don’t get the mountain lions will. I’ll be dust before anyone knows I’m missing. What the hell is it all for? Thirty years of hard work and playing around and for what? To die alone in the high desert country, out of food, out of water, lost and worn out. With this enlightenment I can accept my mortality, my death. But, why now? Why so soon after discovering the ultimate treasure?

Now that I have a purpose in my life, now that my life has meaning, I can help others make some sense out of their lives. Now that I know what it means to be a human being, what happens? I’m being groomed for the main course at the roadkill café.

My parents will never know what happened to me. My friends…Oh, that’s right, I don’t have many friends…I’ve been too busy, too much on the move…like a cork in a swift moving stream..just bobbing along, aimlessly. And now, I won’t have a wife or kids either. Nothing will be left to pass on and no one to pass it on to. What a shame. I have so much to offer now.

It all seems rather pointless. I mean, you know—you listen to your parents, go to school, get a career—in my case teaching art on the university level. Have a little fun…OK, a lot of fun. Live a non-threatening life-style and BAM, you’re predator lunchmeat. I never dreamed I’d end up like this. How could I? What’s a city boy…suburban boy anyway, doing way out here, in the wilderness, by himself, with a backpack? What ever possessed me to think that going on-the-road at age 29 was the right thing to do? How could I be so stupid? What do I know about camping? I don’t even have a decent sense of direction.

No one to share my epiphany with. No one to help with their awakening. No books to write. No lectures to give. Lessons learned but not to be passed on. Just observe without judgment, forgive yourself and others, accept life as it is, awaken from your dream, return to unconditional love and celebrate life…all too briefly. From what’s it all about? Is this all there is? To Aha! I get it. I’m also screwed. All in thirty years.

How could I have known when I started this journey that I’d experience a surreal quiet; so quiet I could hear it—hear quiet. One-by-one, everything physical around me began to disappear only to be replaced by a white nothingness…a comforting light. In a few seconds my world of three dimensions was completely gone, even my body. All that was left of the me I had known for 30 years was my consciousness - wondering just what was happening. There was no panic, just utter amazement.

All was calm. My consciousness seemed to be floating in a beautiful, white, nothingness. I was bathed in a warm, white light. There was no depth perception. It was like being in a cloud…nothing to focus on. Then I heard the voice. It was mesmerizing. I had to remind myself that I had no body and, most assuredly, no ears. Yet, I heard a voice.

It was a deep, soothing voice. It repeated “God is love.” And “Love is God.” I thought—Does this mean that God loves me? And that I love God? I’d never had a personal relationship with God or with organized religion. For me, religion without spirituality was just so much ceremony. This was definitely not ceremony.

I’d always envied those who professed a personal connection to God. I knew it wasn’t the kind of thing one could fake; either you had it or you didn’t. Until now, I didn’t. It was a personal connection to spirit, something greater than one’s self. Hard to believe, yet, what had happened recently was as real as anything that had ever happened. If this wasn’t real, then nothing was real.

In answer to my query about whether God loved me or I loved God, the voice was quite specific. It said that there was no separate me to love God and no separate God to love me. God and love are the same thing. Further, separation from God or spirit is only an illusion. All life and all spirit are connected, forever. I was instructed not to share this experience now but, when the time was right, I would know it. With this knowledge, all of my three-dimensional world began to rapidly re-appear. The voice and light/nothingness faded away as my body returned. My watch let me know that the entire incident had taken thirty minutes.

Even now, 39 years after this life-altering event, I get shivers just thinking about what happened. I’ve never felt alone since this incident; never doubted its authenticity. Things happen when and where they are supposed to happen. There are no coincidences.

Well, so be it. Out of food, out of water and too tired to stand. Physically lost but spiritually found. I’m coming home. Back to where I started, only now I know what it means to be here now...in the moment. So long outside. Hello inside. Getting weaker. Giving in to that long, long sleep. Bye, bye.

What’s that? I heard a sound. An unnatural sound…a mechanical sound. Well, son-of-a-gun…a truck. Out here, in the middle of nowhere. If I can just get to my feet I know he’ll see me. I’ll just stand here in the middle of the road. He’ll have to stop then…or run me over.

Yes! Yes! He’s slowing down. If I wasn’t so dehydrated, I’d cry tears of joy. I DO get a second chance. I DO get to share. This is NOT my time to die. On the contrary, it’s my time to really live…for the first time. Thank you! Thank you!

Don Lubov, author, artist and teacher has been reading, writing and living a Zen-based existence since his enlightenment in 1971 at age 30.

Twelve years of teaching art and design on the university level and 39 years as a professional artist, coupled with 30 years of writing his own Zen-type aphorisms led to his first book: "Long Island Zen"-Vol.1. This was followed three years later by "Long Island Zen"-vol.2. His most recent book: "Who Am I and Why Am I Here?" is the text for his classes on Zen and spirituality, offered at three locations.

Don's Drawings, Paintings, 3-D Constructions, Quantum, Pictures, and Architecture were inspired by surrender to an assortment of nows. He currently belongs to two writing groups - Writers Bloc of Summerfield, Florida and The Florida Writers Association of Lady Lake, Florida.

Blog: www.Spiritshare.net

Website: donlubov.com

Find more of Don Lubov's articles on conscious awakening:

Effective Stress Management | 6 Steps to Peace

Long Term Relationship Advice for Young People and Old

What is Spirituality? A Summation

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Categories: Column: Don Lubov - Enlightenment, Spirituality